1.
utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless (usually fol. by of ): to be reckless of danger.
This word perfectly describes me on this past Sunday. I was completely and incredibly reckless. I regret being this way, but am so thankful for the difference that I learned between reckless and free-spirited on that day. You see, before Sunday, I thought these two intertwined into one meaning. I was so wrong.
I am signed up for these letters from Ransomed Heart, a ministry that John Eldredge (favorite writer) and his wife dedicate their lives to. These letters are my lifeline each month. Every one that I open up is like a best-kept secret. After I read these letters, I feel like I've gained a new piece of knowledge that I didn't know before. They really do make my days and my overall life better. They are brilliant, adventurous people who are so in love with God.
So, one day, I receive my usual monthly letter from them... except, this letter was different. This letter felt like I hit the jackpot, man. What it held was so dear and spoke directly to MY heart. It felt like it was written just to and for only me. It was that tailor-made. It spoke of how God writes desires on our hearts, and how He TRULY wants us to be happy. It said that we should do things that make us happy, because those things bring us closer to God. I was SO ecstatic to read this because for MONTHS my head and heart have been arguing on right and wrong, so forth and so on. So, finally, here's my answer... Do what makes me happy! I couldn't be more stoked on life. So each day, I would do things that would make me happy... and by little and little, they did bring me closer to God, because afterall, I was fulfilling desires that HE had written on my heart. I started with little things... making my very first pitcher of sweet Southern tea, doing something totally unexpected, sitting out on my swing at night, learning guitar...
then one day I decided I wanted to go cliff jumping. I wanted to go allllll last summer and never got the chance to, so I was SET on going this summer. Keep in mind, I've been cliff jumping before... when I was a little younger, around 15-16, so not THAT long ago... Ok, ok, almost 1o years. Whoa. So I treated this desire as any other desire, I was doing it. I wanted to be happy and close to my God, who wanted to see me happy. So, off I go to Warrior's to meet Shellie, Matt and Jacoby. I even wore my TOMS shoes that had "Just Jump." painted on the sides of them, not even planning it that way. I wanted to jump in shoes because I hadn't swam in a lake in a while... and well, I just thought it'd be safer that way. So we walk for what seemed like forever out to the cliffs. When we get there, it didn't look so bad... and we were standing on the 60ft one, but I was relieved to know that there was a 45ft one directly below it. So Shellie and I walk down to that one, which looked even better. "I can definitely do this," I thought to myself. "I've done it before..." and I knew that Matt and Jacoby were trained for emergencies, so we were set. We made the boys go first. They jumped off the 60ft one. It looked so fun, but I felt my heart pounding against my ribcage... I knew I was going to do it. I knew I was on this kick of doing crazy things that made me happy even if I didn't have an explanation for them... so I took a couple steps, closed my eyes, and jumped out. I landed in the water the first time kinda awkwardly, but I came back up. The only thing that I was thinking about was, "that was scary as HELL" and I had so much water go up my nose from the impact. I felt on top of the world. It was such an adrenaline rush. So I swam to the rocks to climb up to go again, even though I knew I would probably be pushing my luck with a second time around. I'm no pro at extreme sports or anything. So the boys have jumped again by now. So it's back to me. I said I wanted a boy to jump first "just in case"... so Matt jumps in. I ask for a countdown... step off on my left foot and just... jumped. I knew before I even hit the water that I had jumped off the ledge weird, and when I hit the water, it was the most painful thing Ive ever experienced. I won't go into detail about what happened next, because God knows this is getting long enough, and it's something I'll never forget for as long as I live. I replay it over and over while Im laying in bed trying to decide which way I want to lay that is the least painful for me, because there is no pain-free position, and there probably won't even be again, thanks to my stupidity and an injury that will never heal itself without surgery, which Im not too keen on the idea of right now. I knew I should've jumped off my right foot, because I am a completely right-bodied person. I do everything with my right side. I knew I should have pointed my feet, so I would've hit the water in the right position. I KNEW all of this stuff. I wasn't thinking. About anything. All I was thinking of was just DOING it. Just being in the moment, and going for it, no matter the consequences. All I was thinking of was just jumping... and everything else would take care of itself.
However, what I will say is that I am a VERY lucky girl that I'm not paralyzed, that I didn't break my back, and that I'm even alive and typing right now.
After the ER and settling in, I try to take a shower... and it hits me while washing my hair quickly became one of the most painful activities ever; I start apologizing to God. I apologize for being so stupid and reckless with my life, for just assuming that He would take care of me. Thankfully, He did... I know that He was with me that day. But what was my deal?? What was I thinking? Why didn't I think about that more? Think about the way I was jumping... how I needed to prepare myself for doing extreme activities like that. And while thinking about that, I think about the fact that it's not only my physical body that I'm wreckless with... Isn't being wreckless with your heart the same thing? Isn't it just as bad? Needless to say, a lightbulb came on that night... and I hope to God I think something that crazy through before attempting it again.
And I learned the difference... There is a difference from being free-spirited and doing things that make you happy, and being reckless and deciding to do something dangerous on a whim. I didn't care about the outcome. I just cared about me doing something insane and on the verge of danger. There is such a difference. Yes, He wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to be c a r e f u l, and when we put ourselves in the line of fire, it becomes completely different. When we become reckless with our hearts and bodies, that line between happiness and stupidity begins to blur... BIG time. We should be happy, we should be very happy indeed, but what is happiness with tragedy attached to it, following close behind it? Cliff jumping isn't the only reckless stunt I've been pulling lately. and I'm sorry for that, God. You kept me here and safe that day because there's still something huge I'm supposed to be doing for You. There's still that adventure that we're going on that I temporarily forgot about. There's still that life that You want me to live that hasn't even began yet... There's still that person's life that I'm meant to touch, there's still that person that's mean to touch mine. There's still those words I'm supposed to speak to that one person from You. There's still that one day I'm supposed to be there for. There's still that one song that Im supposed to sing. There's still SO MUCH that I'm meant for. Thank you thank you thank YOU so much for this life. I AM happy, and I'm only getting closer to You. Everyday, closer. This summer is going to be the most special summer of my life.
Please stop being reckless with your bodies. Unfortunately, we're not cats and we don't get 9 lives; it can be taken as easily as it was given to you. NO one is invincible.
Please stop being reckless with your hearts. Save it. You're gonna need it one day for the big time.
I love my friends and my family and everyone and everything that make this life so liveable. <3
This word perfectly describes me on this past Sunday. I was completely and incredibly reckless. I regret being this way, but am so thankful for the difference that I learned between reckless and free-spirited on that day. You see, before Sunday, I thought these two intertwined into one meaning. I was so wrong.
I am signed up for these letters from Ransomed Heart, a ministry that John Eldredge (favorite writer) and his wife dedicate their lives to. These letters are my lifeline each month. Every one that I open up is like a best-kept secret. After I read these letters, I feel like I've gained a new piece of knowledge that I didn't know before. They really do make my days and my overall life better. They are brilliant, adventurous people who are so in love with God.
So, one day, I receive my usual monthly letter from them... except, this letter was different. This letter felt like I hit the jackpot, man. What it held was so dear and spoke directly to MY heart. It felt like it was written just to and for only me. It was that tailor-made. It spoke of how God writes desires on our hearts, and how He TRULY wants us to be happy. It said that we should do things that make us happy, because those things bring us closer to God. I was SO ecstatic to read this because for MONTHS my head and heart have been arguing on right and wrong, so forth and so on. So, finally, here's my answer... Do what makes me happy! I couldn't be more stoked on life. So each day, I would do things that would make me happy... and by little and little, they did bring me closer to God, because afterall, I was fulfilling desires that HE had written on my heart. I started with little things... making my very first pitcher of sweet Southern tea, doing something totally unexpected, sitting out on my swing at night, learning guitar...
then one day I decided I wanted to go cliff jumping. I wanted to go allllll last summer and never got the chance to, so I was SET on going this summer. Keep in mind, I've been cliff jumping before... when I was a little younger, around 15-16, so not THAT long ago... Ok, ok, almost 1o years. Whoa. So I treated this desire as any other desire, I was doing it. I wanted to be happy and close to my God, who wanted to see me happy. So, off I go to Warrior's to meet Shellie, Matt and Jacoby. I even wore my TOMS shoes that had "Just Jump." painted on the sides of them, not even planning it that way. I wanted to jump in shoes because I hadn't swam in a lake in a while... and well, I just thought it'd be safer that way. So we walk for what seemed like forever out to the cliffs. When we get there, it didn't look so bad... and we were standing on the 60ft one, but I was relieved to know that there was a 45ft one directly below it. So Shellie and I walk down to that one, which looked even better. "I can definitely do this," I thought to myself. "I've done it before..." and I knew that Matt and Jacoby were trained for emergencies, so we were set. We made the boys go first. They jumped off the 60ft one. It looked so fun, but I felt my heart pounding against my ribcage... I knew I was going to do it. I knew I was on this kick of doing crazy things that made me happy even if I didn't have an explanation for them... so I took a couple steps, closed my eyes, and jumped out. I landed in the water the first time kinda awkwardly, but I came back up. The only thing that I was thinking about was, "that was scary as HELL" and I had so much water go up my nose from the impact. I felt on top of the world. It was such an adrenaline rush. So I swam to the rocks to climb up to go again, even though I knew I would probably be pushing my luck with a second time around. I'm no pro at extreme sports or anything. So the boys have jumped again by now. So it's back to me. I said I wanted a boy to jump first "just in case"... so Matt jumps in. I ask for a countdown... step off on my left foot and just... jumped. I knew before I even hit the water that I had jumped off the ledge weird, and when I hit the water, it was the most painful thing Ive ever experienced. I won't go into detail about what happened next, because God knows this is getting long enough, and it's something I'll never forget for as long as I live. I replay it over and over while Im laying in bed trying to decide which way I want to lay that is the least painful for me, because there is no pain-free position, and there probably won't even be again, thanks to my stupidity and an injury that will never heal itself without surgery, which Im not too keen on the idea of right now. I knew I should've jumped off my right foot, because I am a completely right-bodied person. I do everything with my right side. I knew I should have pointed my feet, so I would've hit the water in the right position. I KNEW all of this stuff. I wasn't thinking. About anything. All I was thinking of was just DOING it. Just being in the moment, and going for it, no matter the consequences. All I was thinking of was just jumping... and everything else would take care of itself.
However, what I will say is that I am a VERY lucky girl that I'm not paralyzed, that I didn't break my back, and that I'm even alive and typing right now.
After the ER and settling in, I try to take a shower... and it hits me while washing my hair quickly became one of the most painful activities ever; I start apologizing to God. I apologize for being so stupid and reckless with my life, for just assuming that He would take care of me. Thankfully, He did... I know that He was with me that day. But what was my deal?? What was I thinking? Why didn't I think about that more? Think about the way I was jumping... how I needed to prepare myself for doing extreme activities like that. And while thinking about that, I think about the fact that it's not only my physical body that I'm wreckless with... Isn't being wreckless with your heart the same thing? Isn't it just as bad? Needless to say, a lightbulb came on that night... and I hope to God I think something that crazy through before attempting it again.
And I learned the difference... There is a difference from being free-spirited and doing things that make you happy, and being reckless and deciding to do something dangerous on a whim. I didn't care about the outcome. I just cared about me doing something insane and on the verge of danger. There is such a difference. Yes, He wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to be c a r e f u l, and when we put ourselves in the line of fire, it becomes completely different. When we become reckless with our hearts and bodies, that line between happiness and stupidity begins to blur... BIG time. We should be happy, we should be very happy indeed, but what is happiness with tragedy attached to it, following close behind it? Cliff jumping isn't the only reckless stunt I've been pulling lately. and I'm sorry for that, God. You kept me here and safe that day because there's still something huge I'm supposed to be doing for You. There's still that adventure that we're going on that I temporarily forgot about. There's still that life that You want me to live that hasn't even began yet... There's still that person's life that I'm meant to touch, there's still that person that's mean to touch mine. There's still those words I'm supposed to speak to that one person from You. There's still that one day I'm supposed to be there for. There's still that one song that Im supposed to sing. There's still SO MUCH that I'm meant for. Thank you thank you thank YOU so much for this life. I AM happy, and I'm only getting closer to You. Everyday, closer. This summer is going to be the most special summer of my life.
Please stop being reckless with your bodies. Unfortunately, we're not cats and we don't get 9 lives; it can be taken as easily as it was given to you. NO one is invincible.
Please stop being reckless with your hearts. Save it. You're gonna need it one day for the big time.
I love my friends and my family and everyone and everything that make this life so liveable. <3
