It is AUGUST?

Love is when I'm lost not when I'm found

Here I lay in bed, and it just hit me out of NOWHERE... it is August?! Whaaat? Really? Where did the past 8 months go? I am seriously tripping out on the fact that it is August right now.

This is one of those nights that I embrace. My favorite kinda nights. Everything just kinda feels, right. Everything falls into place, and, sorta bittersweet, but, okay... ya know? Everything is ebbing and flowing and it is truly OK. I've been writing and humming all night long, making up melodies in my head as the night follows. I feel...strange.

These past 8 months... I feel, have been a waste. A complete waste. I didn't accomplish anything, really. I learned a HARD lesson to learn. But, other than that, I feel like these past 8 months have been a huge blur. Did I freeze in time for a few months or what? I can't wrap my mind around it. It feels like just yesterday I was celebrating New Years, and in 4 short months I will be celebrating another. People change, time flies, relationships end, friendships end....but they start too. It's all so insane to me, how this process of letting go and starting over works. It's painful, but its beautiful. Only this time, this process has been much quicker for me than last time. I still feel weird thinking about how everything that seemed so right was taken for something...more right? Most days I choose to think about something else. But tonight, I need to sort it out. Stars are out, inside my head...

2007/2008 felt like it took 5 years to heal. Does this get easier, or harder? In some ways harder, in some ways easier.

The best thing is, God knows exactly what I need... And He'll try His hardest to make it that way for me, if I cooperate (and a LOT of times I dont) haha. That gives me a weightless feeling. Knowing that He is all knowing, and His timing is perfect... and He's got this, He really does. It may not be the way I want it to happen or even when I want it to happen, but it will all fall together perfectly. I believe that God will put it in front of you over and over again, what you do with it... is your free will. But it is there, the chance to jump is always there. And I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. Friendships, job opportunities... Anything in life.

I'm SO stoked for fall... And earlier today I realized that I will have long hair for fall/winter. :)! I can't wait to wrap up in huge warm sweaters again. Fall has always brought me a sense of renewal, nostalgia, and opportunity. I hate the word opportunity... Chance? Eh, like it, but, not the word I'm looking for.

My mind and heart are seriously 2 big whirlwinds of emotions tonight.