Hi.
hmmm... this is kind of odd, this whole saying hello to a new blogging site. I've had a livejournal, a xanga... and now this. I feel like I might be kind of betraying my xanga, even though I never write in it.
Welcome to my first blog on this site! So exciting, I know... I'm actually pumped to start writing online again. Something seems a little creepy about that, writing your life out for friends, and even strangers, to read... Something a little scandalous. I'll go with it.
Life is all but bad for miss Brittani as of late... New people, new friends, old friends coming back again, fallouts, makeups, new semesters, rearranging and changing. I've come to find that I strangely have grown to like c h a n g e. I used to HATE change. I liked staying the same... that comfortable sense of everything staying rightwhereitis. But change, has brought newness into my life... a newness that, I had almost lost hope on.
Something relevant and universal: worry. Ew...I even loathe typing the word. How did I get to the point where I let this wimpy little five letter word ruin my life?! I like to think worry is genetic. My dad is a worry wart... worry this, and worry this. worry where, and worry when? Ugh. Lately, I have been not worrying AS much... I've been making it a point to NOT worry. Everytime I start to worry, I usually catch myself and get back on the positivity train. But the past few days, this wimpy five letter word has turned into a giant warrior that I can't rid.
Jesus warns about worry, or dare I say fear... and how it gives the devil a foothold all throughout the bible. "Do not worry..." "Do not give way to fear..."
Matthew 21:21-- Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Something in that verse makes my heart sigh, makes it sink back into comfort. But doing what this verse says, takes work... all too much practice for a weary 21 yr old college student at times. If only I could see how much worth, how much p r o m i s e it has. It seems to me that if I could just start thinking that way... get the ball rolling, it will become easy to me. It still hasn't. The past 2 days I have sunk into that worrying mindset... now I'm having to drag myself out... again. But the grace and the solace of God, is good... and real. and available. and that's what helps me make it through these all but easy days. Knowing that everything God is doing in my life, has a purpose... a bigger purpose that maybe I can't see right now. But it's ALL for good. all of it.
...I get off subject a lot when I blog. so sue me.
My FAVORITE verse when it comes to dealing with stuff like this... "Whatever is not from faith, is sin." -Romans 14:23
I wrote a blog about this verse on myspace... I made a list of things that I was to do by faith alone. Did I do most of them? No... I need to pull that list back up and re-evaluate. I beat myself up far too much for my own good sometimes... People backslide, and forget, and slipup... but ahh, there it comes again... g r a c e. :)
Anyyyway... Back to Romans 14:23. This verse brings SO much clarity to my life on this very day. Being vulnerable to someone who deserves that and more, is from faith. Being brave in an uncomfortable situation, is from faith. Speaking your mind even when your voice shakes, is from faith. Its that kinda faith I want back in my life. I fell off that horse again. It's time to saddle up... be a brave woman of Christ and step out into the unknown, with both feet... not just halfway in. Closing yourself off to anything/anyone has nothing to do with faith... that's selfishness. You can't just close up because something bad happened to you, or because someone broke your heart before. It's all about the bigger picture. There are far too many kind hearts out there who want to prove to you otherwise... if you let them. I don't want to be selfish. I want to leave my heart wide open for someone who will tend to it like their favorite garden. I don't want to miss out because of my selfishness. Jesus did not close himself off to people in general after a few did him wrong continually. And I know, we are not Jesus... but we should try to live with that same humility, childlikeness, and FAITH.
.I.don't.want.to.miss.out.
better yet,
.I.refuse.to.
Thank you God, for making yourself more real to me than I have seen You in the past few months... Thank you for proving me wrong, and letting me be right every once in a while. Thank You for newness, happiness, warmth, joy, embarrassment, growth.
P.s. whatever brave soul has read to this far... I apologize for the randomness of this entry. I just type what's going through my head... Stream of consciousness writing. haha leave it to me to be as difficult as possible.
I just have to keep remembering... "The King is enthralled by your beauty." -psalm 45:11
Herrrrreee we go!
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Great blog! I see that you're following mine so I thought I'd stop by and check yours out. As far as the worry thing goes, and this might help you out a bit:
ReplyDeleteWorrying is a mindset. You worry BECAUSE your father worries. He set the example of how one "should act" when faced with difficult situations and like a good little learning girl, you followed suit.
But keep in mind that it is a mindset. Put your trust in the Lord and HE will set your path straight. It's all a matter of saying to yourself "You know what, I'm CHOOSING not to worry about (insert situation here). I'm CHOOSING to trust that God with help me through it, he will guide me." And you'd better believe that he will! He loves it when we give him the chance to come through for us.
Anyhow, there's my tangent. Thanks for sharing!